Dear Self,
Fuck you.
Love,
Self

Me = wants to curl up in a ball somewhere.

Thanks.
& goodnight.

Like a diver on a lofty spar of land
Atop the flight of stairs I stand.
A whirlpool leers at me,
I cast off my identity
And make the fatal plunge.

[from "Family Reunion" by Sylvia Plath]

Good night.

If I had words to make a day for you
I'd sing you a morning: golden and true.
I would make this day last for all time!
Then fill the night deep in moonshine!
If I had words to make a day for you
I'd give you a morning golden and true!
I would make this day last for all time!


So Babe is one of my all-time favorite movies, and this scene and song in it is one of my all-time favorite songs ever to be featured in a movie. James Cromwell's performance is so incredible in this movie and his voice so perfect for this little song, that I can't help but love it. I downloaded it off iTunes tonight (the song) and have been listening to it pretty much nonstop. It's making me feel less lonely here.

The night attendant, a B.U. sophomore,
rouses from the mare's-nest of his drowsy head
propped on The Meaning of Meaning.
He catwalks down our corridor.
Azure day
makes my agonized blue window bleaker.
Crows maunder on the petrified fairway.
Absence! My hearts grows tense
as though a harpoon were sparring for the kill.
(This is the house for the "mentally ill.")

[from "Waking in the Blue" by Robert Lowell]

So in retrospect, that might have been a poor decision. On the brightside, tomorrow is a new day and there are so many things that almost dying has taught me not to care about.

For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
What we call the beginning is often the end
And to make an end is to make a beginning.

[T.S. Eliot ]

I found a liquid cure for my landlocked blues
And it will pass away like a slow parade:
It's leaving but I don't know how soon.

And the world's got me dizzy again.
You'd think after twenty-two years I'd be used to the spin
And it always feels worse when I stand in one place
So I'm always pacing around or walking away.

["Land Locked Blues" - Bright Eyes]

In my mind, I'm gone to Carolina
Can't you see the sunshine?
Can't you feel the moonshine?
And ain't it just like a friend of mine
To hit me from behind?
And I'm gone to Carolina in my mind...

Dark inside and late last night
I think I might have heard the highway calling--
Geese in flight and dogs that bite--
And signs that might be omens
Say I'm going- I'm gone to Carolina in my mind.

Now with a holy host of others standing round me
Still I'm on the dark side of the moon,
And it looks like it goes on like this forever.
You must forgive me
If I'm up and gone to Carolina in my mind.


["Carolina in My Mind" - James Taylor]


I love James Taylor. I'd forgotten, honestly, how much.

There is a sleeping panda bear on my San Diego Zoo Panda Cam. It is the most adorable thing in the world.

Speaking of adorable things...I am in a good mood (for once), and I am reading quotes from Winnie the Pooh, who is, in my humble opinion, a far greater thinker than many of the greatest philosophers:

"Pooh looked at his two paws. He knew that one of them was the right, and he knew that when you had decided which one of them was the right, then the other was the left, but he never could remember how to begin."

Dear Universitas Bostoniensis,

WHAT THE FUCK WITH THE MOVING MY CLASSES?!?!?!?!?!

Go. Die in a fire. See if I care.

Yours, pissily,
Me.